My final day of fasting was broken by our communion service at CBC. The first food that I was able to ingest was bread and the wine reminding me that at the cost of Christ I am satiated. By his body and by His blood I am free - free to eat and enjoy the life He has given me as a gift and free from the consequences of my sin which were magnified before me this week.
After the service, I was really looking forward to just jumping in with both feet and have a super gorge fest or something. I really didn't have a plan to re-enter the world of eating; I just knew it was going to be on a massive scale (think Cookie Monster with crumbs flying everywhere and a blur of food being devoured.) God had other plans, both for physical and spiritual reasons. Physically, it would not have been wise to do that to my body and I doubt it would have received it well, so at lunch I ate very little. My plan was to really chow down at a BBQ I was invited to that night (I had previously been invited to three others during the week - this one I could actually eat at) but by the time I got there which was late the food was gone! God is awesome - He protects me from myself at every turn and shows me His love in such practical ways. The next day fasting had become such a habit, that around 3 PM I realized I still hadn't eaten, but that I could! So it was a slow and deliberate process of beginning to eat again.
Spiritually, my slow re-entry reflects how we are to live. We are in freedom because of our forgiven state, but do we use that freedom to satiate our lusts? 1 Cor 6:1 says "God forbid!" We live deliberately, enjoying the life God gives us but not consuming to our lusts to our own harm and the destruction of our testimony.
Okay, so what did I learn through this process? Some of it is too personal for a public blog, but I can share that the things God gave me in return are so rich and powerful that I will be making this a regularly scheduled event in my life.
First, my sin nature was magnified during this time. I not only saw myself in a more transparent way, but my lust of food and other things was heightened to the point where I could not justify it or ignore it. I just had to deal with it and appreciate my salvation all the more. Christ truly is increased when we are decreased in our perspective.
Second, I not only had a truer understanding of myself, but a better appreciation for Jesus. He did this fasting thing for a lot longer than I did. I honestly can't imagine how he did it - no vitamins, no air-conditioning, no technology, just the wilderness and water - incredible! He was a man's man. His physical capacity for pain is beyond my experience, and the fact that He directed that toward me in love at the cross is a beautiful model for my life to be poured out for others.
Finally, it taught me discipline. Learning about it in a Bible study is a joke. We all know the definition, the key texts involved, and the practical applications, but there are some things that can never be fully appreciated in just a sermon. Indescribable -- that is most of our Christian experience! And yet we still try to talk it to death. Maybe that's why we get stuck; we're not willing to live it out, we just want to keep learnin' about it. Guilty. Until I experienced this spiritual discipline of fasting and praying, I could never fully understand it. I have renewed appreciation for Jesus, renewed confidence that in His strength I can accomplish my mission, and a new perspective on some issues that I gratefully received from a loving God.
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