DAY FOUR

It's been four days without food (no smoothies, today). I was invited to work out again, I jumped on our trampoline with the kids, and played in the playoffs for our softball league. Three catches in the outfield (one snowcone catch in the last inning) three hits and a WIN! How do I celebrate? Take the four kids to get some ice-cream. After just an orange juice and tea diet today, it was hard to watch. Earlier in the day, my Emma came up to me and waved a bread stick under my nose and asked me to eat it with her. Hot Bread is probably the greatest temptation to anyone who is fasting. So here are my two epiphanies today.

First of all, I've learned God is real. I know that seems very simplistic, but whether you've just met Him, or you've been to seminary and are now 41, we all have doubts. Not that we'd verbalize it, but every sin is a doubt: a doubt that you'll get caught, a doubt that God sees, and a doubt that there will be consequences. Fasting is very personal. Not many know (I think three people total), and if I wanted to cheat, it would be easy. I could go to the kitchen right now and make my famous brownie mix. I don't cook it, I just eat it . . . the whole thing. My gluttony doesn't show (thanks metabolism) and the three people would never find out. So why keep going? I have no idea when this fast will end; I suspect it will be after I "get it" whatever "it" is. But until then, the only reason to keep going is that God is real. I am reminded on a minute to minute basis that God is watching. My lust for food is constant, but God is real. Because He is, I must keep my commitment to Him simply out of love for a real and living God. This has increased my faith amazingly. Why would I sin in word or deed when God is real? My doubts are decreasing with every hour of my fast.

Secondly, there is a direct answer to prayer that I am experiencing every day. I asked for strength and will power and I have received both. There are many times during the day (actually right now) when I can honestly say, I am not hungry. I am unsettled in my stomach and I'm weaker than normal, but I'm satiated. I actually feel really good right now (maybe it's the softball game win), but I'm wondering when the real pain sets in. Hmmm, maybe tomorrow, I'd better not get too cocky.

So God is good! He answers prayer for strength and discipline, and He is proving Himself more and more real to me. That would be enough to make all of this worth while, but I know that there is more. I won't quit until I find out what that is.